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 Shipfitters
Shop
By Maurice D Karst 
Time spent
onboard a ship that moves
through the water at underway
speeds of 12 to 14 knots can get
tedious and boring. The crew
finds ways to relieve the
boredom by messing with the
minds of their shipmates. The
shipfitter shop was in charge of
the maintenance of the fire and
flushing system. The fire main
had a constant pressure of 100
psi and the flushing system was
reduced down to 15 psi through a
reducing station. If the
shipfitters bypassed the
reducing station everything in
the toilet flushed up instead of
down at a pressure of 100 psi.
Apparently this was what
happened when, standing before
me in the shipfitters shop, was
the most angry man I had ever
encountered. He was dripping
wet, had toilet paper hanging
from both ears, and a turd in
his shirt pocket. He was
threatening to kill everyone in
the shop. He left after I had
calmed him down a little but not
until he swore to get even. The
angry man was transferred and
lost his opportunity to carry
out his threat. The personnel in
the shipfitters shop claimed to
have no knowledge of the nasty
gusher that everyone knew they
had created.
The shipfitter shop’s main
function was repair, metal work,
and damage control. We claimed
we could weld the crack of dawn.
It also served as the an
unofficial crew’s lounge and
movie theater. The sailors would
sit around the bending slab
playing cards, smoking, drinking
coffee, and telling lies about
why they joined the Navy. It was
group therapy at its most basic
level. The shipfitters shop was
the largest compartment on the
landing ship I was stationed on
and ideal for showing the crew’s
movie. It was after the movie
that several members of the crew
were gathered around the bending
slab, engaged in a discussion
about how addictive cigarette
smoking is and how it even
affected your sex life, when
suddenly a pack was flying
through the air with cigarettes
going everywhere. One man had
decided to quit smoking on the
spot. The group therapy sessions
were very effective.
© 2001 Maurice D Karst |
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